Eating My Divorce Feelings

If there is one thing my family passed down, it's the ability to avoid my feelings and eat them instead. It took me 29 years to realize I was an emotional eater. When I got covid 19 in January of 2021, I remember saying, "If I can't taste the food, I can't be tempted by it."

The 14 days I was in quarantine were eye opening. I ate paleo. I dropped weight. I felt better, physically, but worse, emotionally. My emotions were up and down that week. In hindsight, I know that was because I wasn't eating my feelings... therefore, I was actually feeling them.

On day 15, my taste had returned and I could not wait to rip into a box of Mac and cheese (velvet, specifically). When I tell you I ate the entire pot, I ATE THE ENTIRE POT. The most interesting observation I made was this: Upon finishing the pot of Mac and cheese, it seemed I felt better. This was the moment I knew.

Looking back, I was at my unhealthiest in 2021. Things started to get bad that January. By March, I was separated and sleeping in a different room on the other side of the house. By May, I was moved out and living in a different home miles away. Those first few months, I ate non-stop. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted to feel better. I binged until I felt sick. I knew I wanted to do better, I just didn't know how.

Anyway, I am not entirely sure why I am sharing this. I am still learning about this part of myself. I am curious about her. I wonder why she felt the need to resist and avoid the scary feelings. Today me works very hard to allow every feeling. The grief. The sadness. The anger. all of it. I am learning to allow it to be there, to feel it without judgment.

Since January of 2021, I have lost 20lbs of fat. I feel alive, again. Energized. I got healthy because I loved myself enough to be compassionate with the part of me who was terrified to feel. I stopped binge eating the day I opened my heart to the feelings I was trying to outrun. That's all for today. Take what you want from that, but if nothing else, I hope you stop trying to outrun your pain. Your pain is valid. It deserves to be felt. Love you forever.

XOXO,

The Marissa Baker

Divorce Coach

P.S. Divorce is hard. The feelings get heavy. If ever you'd like support navigating those feelings, I can hold space for you. Schedule your free coaching consultation, today.