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  • Writer's pictureMarissa Baker

I was wrong about my Ex-husband.

My ex-husband used to criticize me a lot. For the longest time, throughout our relationship,

(& 18 months post divorce), I believed that he hated me. I thought he loathed my existence. He would say, "I Love you," and "I want to make this work with you." I would stare at him in disbelief, because how could he like me? Everything I did was wrong. I did the dishes wrong, the laundry wrong, cut the cheese wrong. I didn't say good morning the right way or quick enough. How dare I ask him if he wants anything from Dunkin Donuts because I knew he was on a diet. I mean, it felt like nothing was ever good enough. So much so, that I just stopped trying all together. I came to the conclusion that he really didn't like being around

me all the much. That hurted. A LOT. It hurt because I took it personal.

Today, I had a much needed reminder that people's behavior is more about them then it will ever be about you. I was listening to the Rachel Hollis Podcast, episode 319, "Overcoming Self-sabotage with Gay Hendricks." Generally, it was about how we all sabotage when things are too good, out of fear. Gay Hendricks started telling a story about how he used to criticize his wife all of the time. He said that the reason he used to criticize her was because deep down he was scared to lose her. Criticizing her was his way of pushing her away because if he truly let her in, then he would have to deal with this fear of potentially. losing her.

For so long, I never even considered the possibility that my husband loved me... that maybe he was just scared to lose me. I believed he hated me, and that was the truth in my mind. Today's podcast episode allowed me to open up my mind to the possibility that there is another truth out there. I don't know why there was constant criticism, but I can confidently say that it was probably more about him than it was about me. I am willing to consider that his criticism wasn't him hating me, rather, it was him being scared to lose me.

If you've been through divorce (or even considering divorce) is it possible that you might be wrong about your partner? We think thoughts and decide that is the truth. Then, we believe the lies we tell ourself. Are you open to the possibility that maybe there is a different truth available to you? If you're looking for someone who can help you navigate these hard questions, I am your gal. I ask my clients these tough, but kind, questions regularly. Growth is uncomfortable. Sometimes, that discomfort is realizing that we have been wrong about something that we believed as truth for a long time. It's time to let go of those old beliefs. Schedule your free coaching consultation, today!

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