So your marriage failed? Welcome to the club.
If you had asked me in 2015 if I would be the ring leader of the divorced club, I would've said not no, but hell no. If you had told me that I would be divorced twice before the age of 30, I would've actually laughed in your face. Somehow, though, here I am: 30, twice divorced, and leading a community of women who are finding their joy after divorce. What a badge of honor. I say that sarcastically. I also say it genuinely.
I spent many months wondering how this could happen to me. I was mad at my ex husband, I was mad at God, but more than anything, I was mad at myself. How could THIS be my life? I judged myself for not knowing better, for not doing better. Why couldn't I simply just make it work? When I got married the second time, I remember thinking I had "won". Another person wanted to marry me, this meant that I definitely was NOT the problem in my first marriage. LOL Imagine my surprise when the second marriage ended and I could no longer blame the other person. I was the common denominator.
This was a swift kick to the ribs. For the first time, I was forced to look in the mirror and examine myself. It wasn't enough to point the finger and say "he was a bad man." Simply because, he wasn't a bad man. In this story, I was the villain.
Long story short, I don't think I would have done this "self examination" if I didn't go through the second divorce. I would've always believed that I had zero work to do. Am I happy I'm twice divorced? No. Did I become the version of myself I am proud of because of it? YES. I wouldn't trade any of it. This version of me wasn't possible without it. I worked hard to become her. My only regret are those in my path who got hurt as a result of my unhealed-ness.
Here is your reminder to kindly and compassionately get curious about what you do, and why you do it. You don't have to go through another divorce to look in the mirror. That was my story - it doesn't have to be yours. Take it from me.
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XOXO
The Marissa Baker
Divorce Coach